Where is the NHK TV Camera? Hello Andore Jr.!
Wed, 12/31/2008 — Rev. Ragu
It's been a while, friends. When we last left Andore Jr. before we got cancelled due to middling ratings in the 3:30 AM timeslot adjacent to reruns of "Wings", we were engaged in a harrowing struggle with DEATH-LOAD DALK KRAIZER. Bloodied and beaten, with Nice Pete already having made the ultimate sacrifice to fend off DALK KRAIZER'S right hand man BALZACK, Fasteriskhead summoned the last of his strength and raised the magical sword GESCHLECHTBUMSER against the demon lord. Lunging forth and with a tremendous scream, everything froze and transitioned into a sketch, and the credits rolled to the tune of the hit song "Mug Smashers ~a true lonely to the heart~" by Japanese Rock Supergroup POWER'S COCK. For years, there was neither hide nor hair to be found of the once-great Andore Seven, and fans cried out for Andore Jr. to continue, to give them some sense of closure.
Well, after an unprecedented campaign over the Internet the likes of which has never been seen before or since (some dude emailed me asking what was up back in February), we have heard your pleas. Andore Jr. is back! Bigger! Better! With more lame Web 2.0 doohickeys and at least 50% as functional as its last incarnation! I've worked long and hard to bring you the return of Andore Jr., and I am sure we will get at least a plurality of posts before we lose the impetus to continue and ditch the site for some other project/angry masturbation. I hope you will stick with us to laugh, love, learn, and wait breathlessly as we don't bother writing even the most cursory, bullshit video game joke for years at a time.
Oh uh, what happened to us in the meantime? Fasteriskhead became a missionary spreading the poorly sampled word and blinking LEDs of God-Jesus to darkest Africa, Sak earned his GED and is working a fulfilling career in TV-VCR repair, and Nice Pete fronts the most successful band in all tasmania, The Buggy Poppers, starting a sensation and selling literally hundreds of albums. Bloiffy travelled to the moon to recover the Stone of Homonocity left by ancient astronauts and is now bringing together the Twelve Faggoron Stones to bring peace to the world and usher in a glorious new era of gay. Usagi married royalty - always our beautiful princess, now he prefers to be referred to by his official title of Queen Vitaman. Mean Steve, like a whiskey fueled dervish, disappeared into the woods one day and his current whereabouts are unknown, but tales are often whispered about a strange, naked humanoid figure rummaging through campsites at night for fortified liquor and Barely Legals. Brooke briefly went through a heel turn to spice things up and improve ratings, but was swiftly returned to her signature orange spandex and doo-rag, encouraging children to stay in school and take their vitamins and to thusly become true Brookemaniacs.
And your humble author? I dunno, I guess I'm doing okay.