...That Suck Themselves And Also Each Other.

Fri, 08/13/2004 — Fasteriskhead

notes 8/14/04: final word came in today, they're shutting project down... committee must have finally heard the rumors, nothing else to be done. another six weeks & would have had a working model; i'd already determined that optimum piece of music for Rei had to be somewhere within recorded catalogue of phil "snakefinger" lithman, from there it was trial & error... too late now, career prob. over for good...

Rei was v. confused about all this, i actually broke down crying a little trying to explain it to her... later took her over to house from lab (no place for her to live right now), which was ok since wife left/took kids months ago. started drinking+talking a few hours back, somehow ended up in game of strip poker... have her down to bra & panties now, current objective is to remain smashed enough to keep from realizing what in god's name i'm doing & giving in to despair+overwhelming disgust w/self...

suicide = best option? will inquire about nonpainful methods tomorrow... poss. borrow one of steve's guns if shame = overwhelming & swiftness is needed...