I hear those Templar guys are hiring, something about a new world order?
Sun, 01/04/2009 — Ackman
To whomever it may concern,
I would like to tender my resignation from your organization, effective immediately. Some among you might ask, "Why?" As I mean to leave the company without any hurt feelings, I will address some of your concerns.
Some may assume that my retirement is because of deteriorating relations with management. I admit, being stabbed in the intestine over my catastrophic failures was, at the time, hurtful. The subsequent, "lied to and used like a puppet," experience was similarly displeasurable, although constantly being refered to as, 'J.C. Dent- I mean, Altair' was almost a pleasure.
No, the cause of my resignation is simple, but shakes at the very core of the company's tenets: 'Let not your blade spill the blood of innocents'. On the surface, it seems a reasonable policy, but a quick venture to any of the unnervingly tightly-packed cities of our particular bizarro-holy-land almost immediately exposes the flaws of such a policy.
I'm speaking, of course, of the lepers, the drunks, the homeless, or even the beggars in the street. I simply cannot understand how one is meant to keep a calm, professional attitude when being buffeted about by unseemly crowds of rowdy, mouth-breathing half-nude men whose freakishly waifish forms belie their ability to shove me with every ounce of their retard-strength, usually into armed guards who immediately assume I'm an assassin (which is actually correct, but it seems a rather odd cognitive leap).
Then, as I flee for dear life from angry men in armor (something I accept as a core challenge, that keeps the job fresh, as it were), strange women similarly assault me, clinging to my clothes, insisting that they are poor, that they are hungry, and that I do not understand that they need help. I do. I do understand.
So please, to all my coworkers, or at least those of you who don't want me dead for my irresponsible actions (You know who you are. I had to go to sensitivity training after I laughed at your brother's death; still worth it), understand that it wasn't your constant jeering and total incompetance, nor was it management's tendency to laugh maniacally while brandishing ancient artifacts with little regard for employee mental or physical health, that drove me from my high paying and otherwise quite enjoyable position.
PS: I uh actually think I'm dead or something? I can't tell, the ending is too vague.