BOKOSUKA CHRISTMAS SHOPPING
Thu, 12/01/2005 — Rev. Ragu
We Bokosukites know that Christmas is a sham of a holiday; an usurped pagan holiday draped with Christian trappings and given an absurd amount of importance despite the fact that the date has nothing to do with what it represents, later usurped again by the Coca Cola corporation and given a fat, bearded corporate shill as its mascot rather than the baby Jesus. And as Christmas is currently a hellish orgy of consumerism, seething, barely contained contempt for your fellow man, degrading into all-out street violence, it becomes all too clear that this world needs K. Sumii's unifying vision more than ever. But you know what? Fuck all that. Christmas is about GETTING SHIT, and no one can argue with that. It may be a long, exhausting, psychologically battering run up to the twenty-fifth, but on that day when you open that box and you see that mint-in-box copy of Bokosuka Wars for the MSX home computer, you know that the person who bought it for you loves you. Though we Bokosukites reject Christmas, and instead opt to celebrate K. Sumii and the trials of King Suren against the oppression of King Ogereth, forcing those around you to prove that they love you through elaborate, expensive consumer goods is one thing we can't let go of.
So what do you get a Bokosuka follower for Christmas, or as we should call it, Sumiimas? Certainly, Famicom carts and MSX-1 diskettes are hard to come by these days, especially ones so old, and finding them in decent condition would cost you a mint. I mean, of course you should spend obscene amounts of money on the Bokosuka fan in your life, but there's a limit; crippling debt is fine, but you want to avoid the poorhouse entirely. There's an easier option, though, one that will allow your beloved Bokosukite the ability to show the world how much Bokosuka means to him.
The Bokosuka Wars T-Shirt, produced by Mars16 and designed by SYURIKEN.
All overblown hyperbole aside, this really is an awesome shirt. Sticking blown-up sprites on T-Shirts is nothing new, but this does it with style. Any asshole with a pirated copy of Illustrator can mock up an NES controller and toss it on a shirt, and I'm sure you'll get lots of comments at the parties you don't go to about OH YEAH MAN WASN'T THE NINTENDO AWESOME I LIKED DUCK HUNT, but with this shirt? Nobody will know what the hell you're on about, but it looks awesome and people will be intrigued.
Then you can strike with the Gospel of K. Sumii.
And that's when you pull out the Bokosuka Tracts. COMING SOON!!
OH YEAH AND IF YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT GETTING A SUMIIMAS PRESENT FOR A CERTAIN LAZY WEBSITE WRITER WHO USED TO RUN A WEBSITE ABOUT CARTOON PORN AND CAN'T POST ANYTHING ANYMORE WITHOUT MAKING AN OBNOXIOUS EVANGELION REFERENCE AND RARELY GETS OFF HIS ASS TO DO ANYTHING WELL... I THINK YOU KNOW