Wed, 12/31/2008 — Rev. Ragu
It's been a while, friends. When we last left Andore Jr. before we got cancelled due to middling ratings in the 3:30 AM timeslot adjacent to reruns of "Wings", we were engaged in a harrowing struggle with DEATH-LOAD DALK KRAIZER. Bloodied and beaten, with Nice Pete already having made the ultimate sacrifice to fend off DALK KRAIZER'S right hand man BALZACK, Fasteriskhead summoned the last of his strength and raised the magical sword GESCHLECHTBUMSER against the demon lord. Lunging forth and with a tremendous scream, everything froze and transitioned into a sketch, and the credits rolled to the tune of the hit song "Mug Smashers ~a true lonely to the heart~" by Japanese Rock Supergroup POWER'S COCK. For years, there was neither hide nor hair to be found of the once-great Andore Seven, and fans cried out for Andore Jr. to continue, to give them some sense of closure.
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Fri, 06/10/2005 — Bloiffy
All too long, Andore has lain dormant. Silent. Like a boulder. No, like an igneous rock, what was once molten lava! Yes, that's right. Andore JR was once aflame, burning bright, and now all is quiet, the flames somehow extinguished. But do you know what hides within that rock, gentle reader? DIAMONDS. And do you know what diamonds buy you? That's right. True love.
We have looked at the past of videogaming, here at Andore JR HQ. But now we must look to the present, and to the future. The future in which electrons and light flow throughout the universe. The future in which exciting new videogames are being developed. Games like... FINAL FANTASY VII: DIRGE OF CERBERUS, and FINAL FANTASY VII: BEFORE CRISIS, and FINAL FANTASY VII SNOWBOARDING.
God I'm wet. God I'm hot. God I'm wet and hot and most of all, turgid with the sheer terrifying thrill of what's to come. The future is now. The next generation will be here any moment (when they finally invent the chips that will power the PS3 and when Nintendo actually admit they don't have anything that would constitute a revolution and when Microsoft just gives up and goes back to making shitty things for PCs). Get ready!
Sun, 10/31/2004 — Fasteriskhead
WELL IT'S OFFICIAL
THE ANDORE JR. STAFF IS NOW:
W A Y T O O B U S Y
C O M P L E T E L Y O U T O F I D E A S
TRY US AGAIN TOMORROW MAYBE WE WILL HAVE SOMETHING FUNNY BY THEN
OR AT LEAST SOMETHING PRETENTIOUS
Fri, 10/22/2004 — Fasteriskhead
WE ALL MAKE COMIC STRIPS FROM SCREEN GRABS AND HIGHLIGHT THE DILEMMAS FACED BY VIDEOGAME CHARACTERS
WHICH ONE OF US IS THE REAL THE AUTHOR ??????
ONLY THE AUTHOR CAN CLEAN UP THE VILLAINS AND IMPROVE THE PEACE OF OUR TOWN FROM ITS WORST CONDITION EVER
Wed, 08/18/2004 — Fasteriskhead
i folks, F-head here. Look, I... I've got nothing. None of us do, I think. RUSH 'N ATTACK is one of the most important works of our age, an artistic and philosophical watershed, and all of us are faced with a profound loss in bumping it from the top of the queue. Let's face it: in a truly just world RUSH 'N ATTACK would be at the top of not just Andore Jr. but also every other page on the internet for all of eternity; In the year 20XX, fathers should induct their sons into adulthood by placing a pair of unwieldy (BUT FUTURISTIC) VR goggles over their heads and introducing them to the internet and RUSH 'N ATTACK, and when the little tyke asks, Daddy what is that naked man doing and who is Neil Peart, the father will smile knowingly and tell his boy all about the joys of falling in love, building a family, holding to the sanctity of the individual human being vis a vis unnatural control by governmental institutions, and so forth. But sadly, we instead live in a world of constant flux, eternal uncertainty, and the ever-approaching shade of Death, and so Andore Jr. must be updated again one of these days. I guess I'm taking the bullet this time, yet I'm too shocked by the enormity of my transgression (necessary though it may be) to actually come up with something creative or funny.
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