Point of Haggar #1: Well-Oiled Machine

Wed, 11/03/2004 — Sak


Oh, hey! Didn't see you come in! Pull up a chair, it's faux leather. Picked it up at Truckie's Vintage Furniture for about 12 bucks. I'm Mike Haggar -- you might remember me from a stint as Mike "The Champ" Haggar on the Saturday Night Slam Masters professional wrestling circuit! These days I'm doing my best to wrestle the legal system! That's right, I'm now Mike "The Mayor" Haggar! Of Metro City, no less!

So what's an old wrestlemaniac like me have to tell you? How about this thing we call Democracy? It's great! It runs like a well oiled-machine, and I'm here to tell you all about the cogs and the circuitry that keep that machine a-runnin'! At the federal level, this country consists of three branches: the Executive, the Legislative, and the Judicial, all of which perform checks and balances on the other branches to make sure one does not obtain more power than the others!

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Grabme, Man Seeks Meaning

Sun, 10/10/2004 — Fasteriskhead

VICTORY AT LAST!

HOMOMAN WILL BE MOST PLEASED

(NEW DATA INPUT) BUT -

NOW THAT I HAVE DESTROYED HOE'S DICK

WHAT IS MY PURPOSE IN LIFE

BZZT ERROR ERROR DOES NOT COMPUTE

DIGITAL DESPAIR ENTERING PRIMARY CIRCUITS

BZZT BZZT OH GOD

A Wacky Week Of The Sims 2!!!

Fri, 09/24/2004 — Fasteriskhead

(excerpted from second page)

After having given Queequeg Ganesha a while to adjust to his new surroundings, I decided the time was ripe to START A-KILLIN'!!! Notice how I have walled this guy in so that he can't get out, and he starves to death! And when he dies, DEATH HIMSELF actually shows up to take his life! And then his ghost haunts Ganesha's house afterwards! And... and... oh my god. I'm fucking pulling forth easily-observed humorous events from a video game in a way that was already done days ago in a far funnier fashion on a site that's actually devoted to gaming, and I'm presenting the sum as a work of comedy. I... jesus. What the fuck am I even doing with my life? Do people actually even READ this crap before they click on the dumb banner ad up there and kick us a few cents? Does anyone really give two shits about my concerted efforts to churn pages and pages of this stuff out on a weekly basis, or do they just mechanically click on the favorite tab every day and run their eyes over the stupid words? Fucking Christ, why do I even bother.

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The Needs Of The Many

Fri, 08/20/2004 — Fasteriskhead

Tecmo Teaches the Book of Job

Thu, 08/19/2004 — Fasteriskhead

Chpt. 10, v. 1-9:
"I loathe my life; I will give free utterance to my complaint; I will speak in the bitterness of my soul. I will say to God, Do not condemn me; let me know why thou dost contend against me. Does it seem good to thee to oppress, to despise the work of thy hands and favor the designs of the wicked? Hast thou eyes of flesh? Dost thou see as man sees? Are thy days as the days of man, or thy years as man's years, that thou dost seek out my iniquity and search for my sin, although thou knowest that I am not guilty, and there is none to deliver out of thy hand? Thy hands fashioned and made me; and now thou dost turn about and destroy me. Remember that thou hast made me of clay; and wilt thou turn me to dust again?"

Great Villains in Gaming, Entry #14

Wed, 07/21/2004 — Fasteriskhead

Listen, and understand. Evil Otto is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity or remorse or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, EVER, until you are dead.

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