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Dulce Et Decorum Est Pro Patria Mori

Thu, 01/28/2010 — Rev. Ragu

My Darling Henrietta,

How I miss you, my sweet; your hazel eyes, the feel of your lips as we kiss, the warmth of your stomach as we lay together, all the love we made on bright and moonlit nights. It is, quite simply, hell to be here, so far away from you. We've been camped out in this city for a week now, this unnamed city in the border regions of Blue Moon, painting buildings red, red, the colour of my allegiance, the colour of my blood. My dearest Henrietta, I remember your tear-streaked face as you held yourself to my chest, begging me to reconsider my decision to enlist, and I now wonder if you might have been right. I joined this fight thinking myself to be doing the right thing, for love of country and love of you, and how I would give anything to protect both you and it. Ah, but I was so young then; perhaps my patriotism was only the young man's need for adventure, excitement, for glory and honour and all that nonsense. Here I am now, my uniform stained with mud and blood; both my own and of others, my face drawn, my body in perpetual readiness despite the sheer exhaustion from the sleep I could not get even if I was allowed. We hear the rumbling of tanks, the exploding of shells, and with each great roar of battle an inevitably agonizing silence follows. In the suffocating stillness our minds fill in the blanks, of all the dead men, the injured writhing in agony, machines lying smouldering and their occupants rent to dust. Maybe we'll be next.

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Wasting Away At The 100 Rads Bar: Part 1

Thu, 01/21/2010 — Rev. Ragu

"GET OUT OF HERE, STALKER"

...And there goes another one. Why can't I stop doing this? I'm not even guarding anything here. It's a warehouse full of empty crates and a couple of pipes going nowhere, and here I am, pacing back and forth on this catwalk, trying to look like I'm actually supposed to be here, telling everyone to GET OUT OF HERE. I keep pushing everyone away, and though I want to stop, I don't feel I have any control over it!

I was in the bar one day, stuffing diet sausage in my mouth, downing whole bottles of vodka, miserable, not really having any idea why I'm out here in this irradiated hellhole full of incomprehensible death at every turn, telling everyone who tries to reach out to GET OUT OF HERE, STALKER. So one day, in a fuzz of self-hatred and last night's bender, I told myself that things had to change. I would make an effort to open up and learn to trust people again.

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GREAT SEXUAL MOMENTS IN GAMING #3

Thu, 01/14/2010 — Rev. Ragu

You've tasted the sweet, sweet forbidden fruit of serial copyright infringement with the Touch Boy brand Gameboy copier - feels pretty good to be playing Go! Go! Tank, Catrap, Amazing Tater, and Bubble Ghost for free, eh? Didn't hurt as much as you thought. Helicopters didn't hover overhead, men in black balaclavas wielding submachineguns did not rappel through your windows, you were not manhandled and beaten about with the butt-end of a rifle by burly copyright enforcers, stripped, hosed down with freezing water, carried into a windowless gray room, buck naked, forced to answer deeply personal questions about yourself, your family, your love life, where you got the idea that you could play Boomers Adventure and Battle Bull without paying a dime. Feels really good, in fact. Maybe what they've been telling you about right and wrong and crime and punishment is completely false. Maybe... there are other forbidden fruits that are just as delicious.

Touch Boy

Yes. Yessss. Your gray market Gameboy copying device knows. It knows that all morality is arbitrary. You've been playing Maru's Mission and Kwirk: He's A-Maze-Ing for years now. Never leaving your house. Afraid that everyone will know. You're marked, you're tainted. So just let go. You have nothing to lose. You're already bound for hell, figuratively speaking, why not throw a few more proverbial coals on the flames?

Come on man. Try it once. Fly. You can't get a habit from Touch Boy. Quit anytime you like~*

Touch Boy

*Please note: The Andore Seven does not wish to condone or promote the sexual abuse of children, nor the illicit copying and download of Gameboy hits such as Bugs Bunny's Crazy Castle and Penguin Wars. Be good, folks

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